crumbling

closet at home (my photography)

Ever felt like your world is slowly crumbling? 

This is one of those times... 

Last week I was nonfunctional due to stress, anxiety, worry, fear, life. 

It is so hard to be a full time student taking 19 units, including a musical, and applying for millions of different colleges.  There are doctors appointments I have to keep and remember, homework I have to turn in on deadlines, monologues and scripts I have to memorize and friends I need to keep and family I need to please.  I am not writing so you can take pity on me, but merely as a way to make all this mess in my head come out into a solid paragraph of words on here. This way instead of having all these to do lists flutter about in my mind emerging, flying away and then randomly coming back again... I can have it written down in a physical state. I need to go to voice lessons and rehearsals.  I need to start turning in my music theory homework and my english homework and god knows what else.  I have to visit an observatory... pronto before it gets cloudy.  I have to apply apply apply for all of these schools so I have a good future, and so I end up doing what I love, performing, but I want to be in the big leagues.  I also have to catch up on doctor who before my wonderful boyfriend dies of impatience, and I need to catch up on Once upon a time simply because I need to know what happens. I don't know where I would make time for that however.  And then there is study time, which has always and will always be so very very very difficult.  On top of all this I have to remember birthdays, and holidays and I need to be creative because that is who I am.  And I work too, making time for my job... 0.o 

Well I think right now I just need to go to sleep... but I need to start organizing myself.  Knowing due dates better, writing things down in a planner, post it notes need to become my new best friend.  And I think the biggest thing that will help me is to breathe... and tell myself it is going to be okay.  I really don't hear that enough, that it's going to be okay... it sounds foreign on my tongue. 

so it starts with sleep and a new day

<3 goodnight <3